moe-tif

In the face of ugly attitudes,

You retained a sense of grace.

You maintained your goodness,

even when evil showed it’s face.

While others around you fell,

And gave in to the pressures of peers.

You never sacrificed your standards,

Although you were met with jeers.  

My friend, even I succumbed.

And treated you poorly, I admit.

It was easy to fall into the group’s vision,

In with the group I wanted to fit.

Until I took a moment to search,

in my soul for answers to what was right.

Only then did I realize my errors,

Only then did I see the light.

I’m so sorry for what I did to you,

I am deeply ashamed and chagrined.

I let myself be weakened,

by my desires to fit in.

I’ve learned a valuable lesson,

Always, I will listen to my still small voice.

Even if the majority shows it’s evil side,

To do what’s right will be my choice.

Stay strong my friend, I know it’s difficult.

Find the lessons this situatation is trying to teach.

Keep your chin up and your mind focused.

And know that your joy is well within reach.

this one is inspired by another blogger….

Cubicle Décor

“What is that racket?!”  You peek around your cubicle and notice you are not the only one being disturbed by what sounds like…hammering?  You and your neighboring coworkers step out into the cubicle hallway and make your way 5 cubes down and three to the left.  You can’t believe what you come upon.  George, the new guy of about 3 weeks has brought in two framed paintings.  He is trying, fruitlessly, to hammer nails into his cubicle so as to hang these paintings, which, by the way are both approximately 15X20 inches in diameter and a good 10lbs each.  Good God…you try to dissuade George, explaining that there’s no way the cubicle wall is going to withstand the weight of those paintings.  George, however, is a man obsessed and there’s nothing that can be said to stop him, short of a natural disaster.  As you walk back to your respective cube, your eyes glance at the décor of the workspaces around you.  Some folks have chosen to leave their cubicles bare of any personal touches.  Some have brought in so many pictures and plants, you wonder if they perhaps entertain friends for tea in their little home away from home.  Some have even set up their computer wall paper with pictures of friends and family.  You have decided to go simple, one plant, a cute coffee mug and picture of your dog.  This is homey enough and easily packed should On High decide you are no longer an asset to the cubicle community.  Why such different styles of décor?  Well, for some it’s a way to try and fool people into seeing them as more than the job they do or the title they hold, or the way they may behave on the job.  For example, the ring leader for the Bully Clique, she has framed passages of biblical verse throughout her little box.  Who is she trying to con?  This is the same employee who insults the Lone Decent Person behind her back and invites everyone but her to lunch.  Yet, when you look in her cube, the hope she carries is you’ll see her for more than the jerk she portrays.  The Lone Decent Person just has pictures of her children up…her reasons are much more honorable.  When the shit hits the fan and the Bully Clique is at its meanest, she focuses on those pictures and remembers that she has a family to support, so she has to be strong.  Then there’s that guy over in cube 7 with clippings of Dilbert and Far Side cartoons all over his cubicle.  His underlying message is that while he’ll do his job, he will always retain a sarcastic disdain for the On High Regime.  This is his way of saying “in your face!” without being directly disrespectful.  Then there’s the girl in cubicle number 3.  Is that incense you smell wafting from her area?  When you go by, you see pictures of ying yang as well as images of Gandhi, Buddha, proverbs by Socrates and Gary Zucov, etc.  You also hear music combined with the sounds of nature, recorded in the deserts of aboriginal Australia.  Of all of you, this girl can’t be affected by On High or the evil residents of the cubicle community.  Honestly, whenever you get within a foot of her workspace, it’s as though you are surrounded by Love….she blesses her area once a week and nothing negative can get through.  Plus, you suspect the incense is a cover for the pot you once thought you smelled when you walked by.  Hmmm, no wonder she’s always smiling and makes so many trips to the vending machine.  Then, there’s the office manager.  Rather than pictures, she has hung certificates that extol her accomplishments over the years.  One year she was employee of the month and was able to park a mile closer to the building than all the other employees!  Another year she received thanks from On High for her dedicated clean up of the kitchen refrigerator.  She has on one side a small book shelf with books about leadership and success…wait…isn’t that little book in the corner, Hitler’s book entitled Mein Kampf?  You shudder as you pass her area, muttering the Lord’s Prayer under your breath.  As you reach your little hole in the wall you imagine what an aerial view of your company’s cubes would look like.  And you realize that, for as much as On High would like to decimate the individuality of it’s employees, the incessant need for some to decorate their areas is proof enough to you that total obliteration of unique self expression will never truly succeed. 

(yup, it’s another one…this one is a chapter from a book i am working on)

She walks over to her cubicle and prepares herself for another day of work. Yet, it’s not the work she’s psyching up for. She is breathing deep and steeling herself for the day’s onslaught of cruelty dished out by her “co-workers”. You see, this employee is the newest one on the block and, she has shown On High that she is not pussy whipped. She is known as The Lone Decent Person. She has expressed herself when she has felt mistreated and On High is not appreciating it. She has made enemies of the people she works with because she is, well…she’s different. She doesn’t quite fit the mold and this is unacceptable. So, her co-workers ostracize her, they talk behind her back and, they’ve convinced the powers that be that she’s a bad seed, an employee that does nothing to contribute to the growth and success of the Company. Her co-workers are jealous of her strength of character and rather than seeking to learn from her, they’d rather belittle her, ostracize her and generally make her feel like a piece of road kill left on the side of a rarely traveled road. Lunches have come and gone while she’s been left at her desk knowing they’ve all gone out and she’s not so much as asked what she’d like. They come back from their outings and make loud comments about how wonderful their meal was, mmmmm, how it hit the spot. The obvious disdain is rather pathetic and childish, but, they really don’t care…they feel they’re in the right somehow. Our Lone Decent Person wavers between hurt anger and false bravado. Luckily, she has people who care for her and support her in being a better person than the snakes she’s been unfortunate enough to be “teamed” up with. Her discomfort, however, is very hard to get over although she tries valiantly to put on a smile and comment how “peachy” she’s doing. The fact is she has become the unwilling participant in an age old “game”. The game consists of the weak minded and miserable sucking in all those around them to join in on an attack against anyone who displays confidence and joy apart from that which On High has allowed. Misery loves company and since she has decided she wants no part in the misery, well…she is an insect that must be exterminated…and the extermination is slow and cruel. The Lone Decent Person must be destroyed. To the outside person looking in, the truth is painfully obvious. The bullies are sad little children, victims of their own self inflicted suffering. They haven’t the wherewithal to look within, so they gather other pathetic souls together and they form a bond. This bond lends them an artificial sense of self righteousness that they then lord over anyone who, whether consciously or subconsciously, has decided they don’t want to participate in their collective pity party. The bullies have formed a Clique. Within this clique they are able to support each other in keeping the anger and negativity alive. You see, to continue being mean to another human being, they must stay focused on the reasons why she’s so deserving of their callous behaviors. When a member of the Clique begins to have second thoughts, the others quickly rally around him or her and begin to bad mouth the victim. Hence, they bring the faltering member of their “elite” group back on board…ahh; all is well again in their sad little worlds. On High looks at this as an investment of sorts. When the Powers That Be send one of their own to walk amongst the little people, what he or she has planned is to pretend to listen when the Lone Decent Person stands up for herself. Oh, the Eminent One will put on a sympathetic smile, he or she will nod the head at the appropriate time and, apologies will spill forth, along with promises that the abuse will be stopped. And, for a short while, the abuse does stop, while employee after employee goes in to speak to the Royal Member. The Lone Decent Person begins to feel that maybe, just maybe, things will change. Little does she know, what is really happening behind that closed door is a conspiracy. The Eminent One has made the decision to side with the Clique…the reason behind the decision is the concept that keeping the majority happy is more important than the preservation of one little inconsequential employee. The Lone Decent Person will not know that the Royal Member had anything bad to say about her because the Clique is instructed to keep the conspiracy very top secret. What the Clique doesn’t realize is that On High considers each one of them to be fools and easily manipulated. The proof is how they can manipulate themselves and each other to consciously treat another human being so badly. How easy would it be for the Powers that Be to control them? Offer them a new title, more money, and they will sell their souls. And the Lone Decent Person? Well, in the end she will quit her job. This decision will turn out to be the best decision she could have made. What will happen to the Clique when the victim is no longer there to abuse? Inevitably, they will turn on each other.

i just saw an image that i will never forget and i pray i will never lose the full force of what i am feeling right now.  i just saw a boy trying with all his might to lift his brother…both were obviously starved, large heads and swollen little tummies…both obviously very sick…but, one was stronger than the other and he was trying with all his little might to lift his sibling up….omigod….don’t you see, don’t you realize that…while it’s too late to help that tiny boy to lift his brother, we are still in control over how we treat each other and, how we treat each other HAS AN EFFECT OVER EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE.  please, open your mind and realize that when you are cruel to someone, when you treat another in a depreciating manner…your actions don’t just hurt that person…there’s an energy that is given off…and that energy continues it’s trek, it’s outward projection…so…maybe, just for a moment consider with me this possibility…that little boy who was trying so hard to lift his weaker brother, what if some mean thing i said or thought all the way on the other side of the world…what if i was the contributer to that baby’s death…what if…do you really want to take the chance at being, even in an indirect way, the cause of an innocent’s demise?  it may seem inconsequential to you…but, try on the idea…if just for a moment…try on the concept that if over 600 billion people worldwide are thinking negative thoughts, hence, giving off negative vibes…how can we possibly save our children, our world?  what if…and this is big…what if…we could somehow turn the over 600 billion people to look in a different direction…to look within…what mountains we could move, what obstacles we could overcome and….how many little children could we save?  isn’t it worth even a little bit of our attention?  that sweet, tiny, starving child who couldn’t find the strength, yet wasn’t going to give up on lifting his brother…isn’t he worth our letting go of the petty…c’mon people….what is stopping you?  even something so seemingly unimportant as the way you treat your fellow man…it is important…IT MEANS SOMETHING!  you are as responsible for the condition of this world as anyone….I AM RESPONSIBLE AND I HOLD MYSELF ACCOUNTABLE…I PLEDGE TO THINK AND FEEL DEEPLY…I PLEDGE TO DO MY BEST TO REMEMBER THE EFFECT MY NEGATIVITY HAS, even so far as the other side of our world….and, i close my eyes each night and send…even if only in my own mind…my prayers and energy outward in a healing and holy way…we cannot discount how holy we are….after all, weren’t we made in his image?  “as i do, so you shall…and more…”, “the kingdom of heaven is WITHIN you”.  first and foremost…i pledge to let my children see my eyes light up when they come into the room…i pledge to look into a passerby’s eyes and smile at them…i pledge to listen more, volunteer more, judge less and react less…i pledge to show, not just tell my children how much i love them…and so much more….will you?   

Profile of a Bully

Bullies tend to be insecure people with poor or non-existent social skills and little empathy. They turn this insecurity outwards, finding satisfaction in their ability to attack and diminish the capable people around them.

A workplace bully subjects the target to unjustified criticism and trivial fault-finding. In addition, he or she humiliates the target, especially in front of others, and ignores, overrules, isolates and excludes the target.

If the bully is the target’s superior, he or she may: set the target up for failure by setting unrealistic goals or deadlines, or denying necessary information and resources; either overload the target with work or take all work away (sometimes replacing proper work with demeaning jobs); or increase responsibility while removing authority.

Regardless of specific tactics, the intimidation is driven by the bully’s need to control others.

would  you, if you fit this profile have the decency, feel any sense of urgency to correct this about yourself?  Quite honestly, if you do fit this profile, you should be ashamed of yourself, how dare you?  And, what’s more, how pathetic are you?  You know who you are.

Mahatma Gandhi said, “The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong”

i’ve been weak…i know.  it’s going to be awhile before i get my strength back…i’m working on it though, i really am.   one thing i realize…for all the anger i harbor, there is no good in lording it over others…vent it out and move on…be strong, forgive….

dedicated to my friend Joe…. 

couldn’t think of a better title…yup, this post is me just blab, blab, blabbin…flappin my jaw…standing on my proverbial soapbox…you ever notice that when people want to write you off, you know, when you are ranting and raving about what you see is wrong in the world…what they’ll do is tell you to get off your soapbox…as though all your doing is jawin to hear yourself…i hate that…i also hate when people tell me how idealistic i am…i get that alot…i talk about spirituality and i see their eyes glaze over and i know that i’m not being taken seriously…ugh…what if i told you i think  that when folks do this it’s because they’re too damn scared to face something different…they think that you are too “out there”…they’d rather be bent over and screwed day in and day out by On High than stand up and say/scream, get the fuck outta here!  i hate weakness like that…look, i’ve got four kids to support…i know i owe them to stay working steadily and, i fucking work my ass off, but, i also owe them to see their mama stand up for herself…so, i do…and, knock on wood, everytime i’ve felt like the hammer’s gonna fall, i’ve been fortunate enough to see it begin it’s descent and i’ve gotten out of the way…

we can’t keep going on like this…the world is getting ready for a shift…can’t you feel it?  when you treat one another like shit…that shit continues to grow from you, it’s an energy that builds and builds….we have to stop….change….be accountable….

“The world is too dangerous to live in, not because of the people who do evil, but because of the people who sit and let it happen.”  Albert Einstein

What if you knew of something that was being done, something wrong, mean and spiteful?  Would you try to do something about it?  What if you had taken part in it?  Would you be able to look in your mirror and have the strength to see the ugly and change it?  What if you knew that someone was being mistreated in some way, bullied and judged?  What if the culprits doing this deed were people you once considered your friends?  Would you remain friends with them?  Would you try to get them to see things differently, maybe not be so judgmental of this person?  All of these questions I’ve asked of myself and all of them I am answering by my own day to day internal struggles and by happenings I’ve seen or heard around me.  I’m so disappointed because I was present when a person I’ve come to call my friend fell victim to such immature and harsh treatment and by people I thought I wanted as friends.  I myself participated at first.  I, however, (and thank God) saw the error of my ways.  This person hadn’t done anything to me.  She’s different, that’s all.  She didn’t get things the way we thought she would.  Didn’t mean she was stupid, just learned a different way.  Is this reason enough to ostracize her?  Good God…really?  So she may have put her foot in her mouth and complained about something that really wasn’t a big deal.  She faced up to it.  Are these other women willing to face up to their mistakes?  Hmmm, damn good question, if I do say so myself.  I’ve since apologized to this person for my part in this absolutely ridiculous behavior.  She had every right to say to me, Fuck off, but she had the grace to forgive me.  Now, I’ve left the environment she unfortunately has to stay in for a bit longer.  And, I understand that the shit is still going on.  I thought this kind of thing was something people outgrew?  The people doing the ostracizing were, I thought, compassionate women.  I’m finding out that they are weak enough to put aside compassion in favor of being a bully and being downright mean.  Yes, it is harder to pull your head out of your ass and face that you are wrong.  I know, I’ve done it…and, I’ll probably do it again.  However, my quest is that I reach a point where I don’t automatically fall in with the crowd and treat some poor individual like a fucking leper just because she doesn’t do things the way everyone else does.  Yes, I know, those who live in glass houses should not throw stones…so, I’ve decided to step out of this glass house and be willing to face up to my errors.  I was a mean little biatch…but, I don’t want to remain as such.  Oh, and another question I’d like to ask…What Would Jesus Do?  Would He act the way you, oh holier than thou, call yourself a Christian then turn around and talk shit behind people’s back hypocrite?  I don’t think so.  I don’t think the words, “I’m having a enter name here moment” or “She’s so dense” would have ever crossed His lips.  You probably should take a moment and really read your holy book…oh, and by the way…I lied.  That piece I wrote, yes, that was about you.  I’m sure one of your cronies has already let you know.  What I want to know is, why get so upset when someone points out something ugly unless you really do see yourself.  Quit getting upset and do something about it.  I once felt bad, even wrote another piece about my guilt, but you know what…my sympathy is gone.  That you should have the gall to have your feelings hurt when you yourself cause pain to another by your judgments and bad mouthing?  Interesting….   

I really did like these women…I know it’s in them to be better…I think that’s why this pisses me off so bad.  What the fuck did this girl do to deserve their fucking wrath?  I’m livid…I was wrong when I ostracized the older lady we had working there a while back…for as much as she angered me, I should have been better.  And, now, to see it happen all over again with another person?  And I realize something…when I’m at my most insecure, when I feel my most inferior, this is when I behave like a biatch….I wonder if this is the case for these women?  I wonder if it’s the case just in general…a bully acts based on his lack of esteem for himself…this way he thinks he has power, at least over someone else.  In a sense, one can almost feel sorry for him.  Until he faces himself, he’ll never be happy. 

And for anyone thinking I’m being self righteous and on my high horse….well, all I know is, I tried, I really tried to convince and work these people around to treating her better.  They weren’t strong enough and have continued to be mean to her, leave her out of things…well; they say you should surround yourself with those you most admire, those whose qualities you want in yourself.  Thank God I got out of there when I did.  And girlfriend, don’t worry; you can have lunch with us….       

i want to revisit something while i’m too sick to sleep and probably delirious from this damn fever…but, what i have to say doesn’t stem from delirium…i really, really believe this…in my last blog i called for us to focus our energies…i want to explain further…(before you continue…please put away your thoughts of, “i’ve heard all this before”, please don’t roll your eyes and please, open your mind…you may have heard it…we all have but, are we applying it or, have we written it off as new age nonsense…and how new age is it really?  look back thru history at all our holy teachers…they were talkin this kind of craziness…)

you ever notice how you’re attitude can either make or break your day?  do you ever observe how, one person walking into a room can either bring the energy level up or lower it simply by his or her mind-set?  if you are not on your toes and “awake”, you are as easily susceptible as the next guy…i’ve seen this first hand…from my last position where i witnessed an entire company’s morale slowly and steadily take a downfall… (disclaimer: this is not another dig by me towards that place, it’s simply me taking from what i’ve seen and learning from it).  the same was the case many years ago when i served in the military…i worked at the adjutant general’s office in the department of military affairs, i was basically a file clerk in this, the up high echelon of the military…there was such hatefulness that it actually took form…not in the visible sense but, you could feel it…i would take the elevator up and as soon as the doors opened i was hit by a wave of it…every day…when i left that place, i actually had to detox…same as what i’m going thru now having left my last position…i do not exaggerate…

so, today i work in a place where the owner is striving to create something positive…he hired a company to come in a teach us customer service…one of those courses that speak of personal accountability and the way we listen…whether we are present, etc….it occurs to me that, i’ve not been present for a good part of my life and further, it occurs to me that, for all the judging i’ve done on this blog, i’m at least a bit responsible for the state of my last place of employment…when i was there, how much did i contribute to making change?  when the opportunity arose to speak up, did i take it?  or was i too afraid of what others might think?  i must admit, i did a lot of trash talking behind the backs of those in authority…i know that perhaps had i spoken up, i probably would have been let go…seems that this management force does not look kindly upon those wanting to effect change…but, should that have stopped me?  what if, instead of speaking out against what was and is wrong with that place, i had conducted myself more with a positive attitude…even in the face of all the negativity…what if i, despite the snideness i might have received, turned a calm face and a  heart filled with goodwill towards those who incessantly felt the need to complain day in and day out…certainly this would have been an effort on my part but it is my belief that positive energy is ultimately a stronger force because in it’s nonviolent, nonjudgmental approach it eventually wears down the negative…negativity will eat at a person’s morale…it takes much energy to harbor hatefulness…it takes work to feed a grudge, how much work does it take to look at this fellow angry human being as a confused and sad person?  it simply takes a moment to step away and rethink…put that person in your mind’s eye and imagine he or she as a child…something happened to program in that person a tendency to be angry or upset…this person does not have the wherewithal (yet) to see this in themselves…but, if you do then, without speaking aloud of your image…behave towards that person with compassion and understanding, even in the face of ugliness that may invariably be thrown back at you…

dear god, how much rambling can a person who’s just run out of nyquil do?  my white blood cells are going ballistic in the war against this common cold who is trying, albeit in vain, to control my body and render me a sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching…wait…isn’t that from the nyquil commercial?  wow…is my desire to drink this disgusting alcoholic beverage disguised as medicine that strong?  it’s like yager meister for god’s sake!  oh, there’s another memory…take a shot of yager meister and drop it in a mug of beer…then, tip your head back and drink it down…whoever invented that concoction is truly, truly sick and demented…

back, must get back and finish my fevered thoughts so that i may once again attempt to sleep and let my poor body rest…

long rambling session short…take my lessons learned from my day to day and then, expand…apply it to your town, your state, your country…the world…no, i’m being serious…i believe these tragedies that are rampantly happening in our world stem from the way we perceive and approach one another….think about it…the analogy of the pond in which we throw a stone and watch as the ripples go outward, this analogy has merit…consider the energy field we live in, the vibrations of this planet…consider your very thoughts as though a pebble to be thrown into the collective energy field/pond…each and everyone of us is accountable…try this on…your pebble/thought may seem inconsequential until you look out and notice how big and far that ripple will reach…all the way to the other side of the pond…hmmm…what you give off here in your little ol’ town may be the energy felt on the other side of the world…it may be the one thing that decides whether the china man smiles at his child who has spilled her milk or for his face to frown at her and a harsh word to leave his lips…not to say that we are just ignorant pawns to one another’s thoughts…simply if we don’t catch ourselves, if we don’t wake up…we can unknowingly be effected…we must take “action” as opposed to “reaction”.

so, tomorrow…aack, later this morning i’m going to open my blog and see what kind of craziness i’ve spouted…i ask your understanding…forgive me my soapbox routine…yes, i am aware i do enjoy the sound of my own voice…this is not to say that what i write/speak of should be thrown out…i’m sad that i see day to day pain and strife in a world filled with human beings who within themselves have the power to make a change…just with a thought….imagine if we could all gather and focus together that thought…indeed that mountain would move…