Saturday, November 26, 2005

i can admit when i’m out of line…

ok, so my friend reads my last posting on this here blog and points out something to me that, well…i didn’t really talk about and should have….she pointed out that, while she like what i wrote, it was very one sided.  she said that we are so quick to blame the united states, what about mexico?  mexico’s government could also do more to make it so it’s own people have a reason to stay and build up their own country…

i am sorry for not presenting a bigger picture…in all my passion, it is true, i put a lot of blame on my own country…folks, this is still the best country in the world, but, i’m scared…we, as a people, are not realizing that this freedom we have is not free…we take our liberties for granted and, what’s scary is that when you take a thing for granted, you run the risk of losing it…i’m  more afraid of people who live within our borders…

well, nuf said…i will try to be more rounded when i write…if i’m not…please readers, call me on it….

Posted by cristina (All Rights Reserved. Copyright MCM © 2002-2011) at 19:34:06 | Permalink | Comments (1) »

Thursday, November 24, 2005

Illegal Immigration

I have a few friends and a few acquaintances who are from Mexico. Some are illegal immigrants and they are here to work.  I know because I used to work with them and damn, they work hard.  I learned a lot in talking with them and, my past opinions of them have changed because of our illuminating conversations.  Here’s what I’ve learned.

Usually, their plan is to take what they make here and eventually go home. This is a way of life, a paradigm into which they are born. For example, we grow up and our options are, we can go to college, we can jump into the work force, we can….anything. Over there the options are, go to university, jump into the work force, go North. Now, why go to the United States? Simply put, the potential to earn a decent wage in Mexico is minimal so, if you have a family to support and dreams of giving them better, you leave them and go to a place where you can work your ass off, save a substantial amount of money, send some home and give your family better. But, why sneak across? Why not get permission first and come across legally? Quite frankly, the answer is, sneaking is easier and takes less time. It’s dangerous, yes, but, while you are waiting for that next chance to apply for your visa, after being turned down…for what, the 3rd time, you could be in the U.S. making money. I am going to research what exactly are the steps for acquiring a visa and I will let you know what I find out. But, until then, I have more to say…surprised? Those of you who know me aren’t.  Hehehe…anyway…. 

So, what’s my problem? My problem is that, while I understand they are breaking the law, while here illegal immigrants are working and contributing to our country. Here’s the part that gets heated. Many say that illegal immigrants are taking all our resources so that we can’t use them. For example, just recently, I applied for food stamps and was turned down because I make $100.00 too much. I’m a single mom raising 3 girls and paying child support for a 4th little girl. Did I get turned down because there’s just no money left? Is there no money left because an illegal immigrant has applied for aid and been approved? See…I don’t believe that is the issue. But, this is where I need to do the more research. I need to find out what the statistics really are. I mean, every one of the illegal immigrants I’ve come across work.  How do I know, because that’s how I met them, back when I served tables.  When you stop to talk to your coworkers, you learn a lot.  Some of these people have two, sometimes three jobs and, put together, they make great money. I’m sure there are illegals using our system to get food stamps, etc., but, before I get the old, they shouldn’t even be getting food stamps, they aren’t even from here…please keep in mind, they are the ones cooking your food when you go out to eat. They are the ones making the beds and cleaning the toilets in that hotel room you just checked out of. They are the ones doing all the menial tasks that we as U.S. citizens look down on. If we’re so ready to use their services and pay them lower wages, why shouldn’t they be allowed to get help. As for the work they do, seriously, are you going to apply to work in that hot kitchen and cook for eight, 10, 12 hours at a time? Are you going to go out to the fields and pick the oranges? Maybe if the employers paid more money? Yeah, right, so then our cost of living goes up because now we have to pay more for our lettuce, more for our clothing, more for everything. What sickens me is how so many will look down on illegals yet, they still go out to eat and they still travel. As for taxes, many illegals actually do have taxes taken out of their checks. While a few do their taxes at the end of the year, a great many don’t. Where does that money go? Does anyone know? And, about terrorists coming in, what about our own terrorists right here within our borders? We can’t keep blaming illegals for crime rates and terrorist actions unless we take credit for that which we ourselves are guilty of. Yes, there are bad apples, but they are a universal issue.   
It’s my sense that, while we keep hearing our government talk about making the borders stronger, illegals are getting across because we need them. The borders are not being protected as strongly as possible because our government realizes that the moment we kick them all out, we are screwed. And I’m not just referring to Mexicans. I’m talking about all our illegals that come in from worldwide. Yes, this is a new and more dangerous age and with illegals who are here to legitimately work, there are terrorists who can potentially use the same ways in. I think an answer to the problem may be this…let’s make it easier for immigrants to get visas. Let’s give them amnesty and acknowledge that while these people are here, our economy is better. Let’s make it so they don’t have to be so sneaky and let’s give credit where it is due. Then, we would be better able to guard against terrorists, because we’d be better able to monitor who is coming and going. We wouldn’t have to worry so much that our social security numbers are being used by Juan and Jose from down in Tacamboro. For that aid that we say we don’t have enough of….I still want to know, where the hell is the money going that comes out of their checks? Couldn’t that be used?
When you feel the need to talk down about illegals, remember how good that steak was last night when you and the Missus went out to eat. When you traveled last, how clean was that bathroom and were the beds made to your liking? Do you like orange juice with your eggs and bacon and do you like driving to work through an area that has been picked up and maintained? Maybe you have good work ethic and would be willing to do what it takes, but, do we have enough people in our country like you? Folks, we’re a spoiled country…let’s stop being so sanctimonious and acknowledge that busboy who cleaned up after you so you wouldn’t have to. And let’s respect that they are only seeking what any of us would, a better life. Yes, there needs to be great change made in their own country so that they can stay there and have a good life. But, this kind of change will take much time and effort and in the meantime, they still have families to support. We here need to learn the value of hard work again.  I love this country for what it stood for but, I question whether we remember why we came to be in the first place.  We take much for granted.  We could learn alot from these immigrants.  Maybe we could stop judging and start facing our issues together. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted by cristina (All Rights Reserved. Copyright MCM © 2002-2011) at 21:09:00 | Permalink | Comments (2)

Know your enemies…respect your enemies….

I’m all over the place right now with my emotions and thoughts.  I feel so strongly about what I want to say, yet, I’m a bit overwhelmed by the work I have to do in order to say it effectively.  Here’s my epiphany.  You may or may not get it….here I go anyway.

I think I understand.  I am letting it sink in that when there are things wrong, whether it is in my family, workplace, my town….hell, the world, I may not be able to effect change.  There’s a good chance that my sense of right will not be strong enough to overcome another’s sense that they are right.  Does this mean then that I keep quiet my opinions?  Does this mean that I stand by while I see a wrong committed or a principle torn to pieces?  No….Maya Angelou said it herself, “Try anyway”.  But, wait, there’s more…

For too long I’ve stood up on my soapbox and declared to the world my views.  I’ve made bold statements and dared others to cross me.  Yet, when they tried, I would drown them out with my self righteousness and eventually, they would fade away.  Yet, nothing changed.  What’s more, I hadn’t learned a damn thing.  I knew my views but, I really had no concept of theirs.  But, I was so quick to tell them how wrong they were.  Last night while thinking about this, a phrase popped into my head….”know your enemies”.  I thought about the method Socrates used to bring people into his mode of thinking.  He asked questions.  And then, it happened…a flash of light in my brain and a knowing came to bloom….to effect change, I must first know the opposition.  I must know my enemies as well as I know myself and, even if I am completely against what they stand for, I need to learn to honor where they are coming from.  I need to understand why they feel the way they feel.  Then, with respect present…perhaps I can present my views and convince them to try a different stand.  At the very least, consider another perspective.

 

 

 

 

 

Posted by cristina (All Rights Reserved. Copyright MCM © 2002-2011) at 20:41:23 | Permalink | Comments (1) »

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

I caught a glimpse…..

I caught a glimpse of God today,

in my little girl’s smile as she greeted me this morning.

She crawled up into my arms and hugged me tight,

and for a moment she and I were all that were.

I saw God this late evening,

as an elderly lady slowly made her way across the street.

The light turned green before she made it through the cross walk, yet…

no one honked their horns and I even saw people smile her way…patient.

I imparted God’s will when I took a moment to forgive another for a transgression that, in hindsight, really didn’t matter. 

That moment of forgiveness blossomed into a flowing of goodness and

good feeling that grew and grew as our conversation continued.

I felt God’s presence in an email sent to me,

an email expressing a love both profound and pure between two of God’s children, one of which I am honored to call my friend and spiritual mentor.

His words evoked in me a sense of joy that God’s love finds us all when we find each other, most often when we least expect it….God’s surprise gift.

We don’t have to look far to see, feel and know God….we just have to open our eyes and wait…we will catch a glimpse….

 

Posted by cristina (All Rights Reserved. Copyright MCM © 2002-2011) at 06:31:21 | Permalink | Comments (1) »

Saturday, November 19, 2005

I invited my friends to share with me their dreams….here’s one I’m pleased to share….

My friend Joe shared this with me…it’s my pleasure to share with you….

My dream is to be the man that God wants me to be. One that is not judgemental, does not speak ill of another person, that helps another person in need, is kind, doesn’t gossip, does not get angry at other people for what they do, to smile when I hurt or am in pain or need. To pray always and keep faith. To always be mindful in giving thanks to my Father for all of the blessings He gives to me. Another part of this dream is to visit Assisi in Italy, so that I may be able to kneel with St. Francis and to visit Pietrelcina, Italy and kneel with Padre Pio in hopes that I may be blessed with their holiness and grace. These are my favorite saints and I have taken the name Francis as my confirmation name. If you haven’t figured out, I am very Catholic. My faith endures me through this road called life.
Another dream I have, would be to be able to repay my partner in a grand manner for what he has given me. He has gone way beyond unconditional love. He gives me support, kindness, happiness and is always there if needed. And let’s not forget the love that lives between us. There is no way anyone could measure it, it just is and always will be. He came into my life when I decided I did not want anymore relationships. But Papa (Catholic again-LOL) said here is the finest gift I can give you, all that you will need for the rest of your life. And it is so. So one day I hope to give back to him what he has given to me. And that’s going to be a lot of giving since we have been together for 19 years. Thanks Cristie for this, it probably does not make sense, but what in this world does. In the words of the “Course in Miracles- it doesn’t matter”

 

Posted by cristina (All Rights Reserved. Copyright MCM © 2002-2011) at 22:28:39 | Permalink | No Comments »

Friday, November 18, 2005

it’s all good…..

ultimately, it’s all good…don’t you think?  even the firing of my friend…it’s a chance to find something better and an opportunity for her to be stronger despite the low down, dirty dog way she’s been treated….everything offers an opportunity to learn, to build on.  i’m not saying it’s easy or easily accepted, we’re only human and to be angry, possibly bitter…well, that really can’t be helped, but to stay that way…oh, now that can be helped plus, this is a crossroads of sorts…here i stand facing this awful happening and i can go in either direction…one direction is that of victim-”woe is me, the world is against me!  pity me, feel sorry for my predicament!”, i say two things about that road…one, it’s pathetic….two, it only invites more hardship…misery just attracts misery and self pity has a need to be constantly proven right….but, there’s another path one can choose…this path seems harder and, at first, it is…however, this path offers rewards…it is a path of growth and righteous joy, for on this path one can discover who they really are…after all, (my belief) don’t we all start off with immense possibility?  don’t we all start off with wondrous potential?  YES!  circumstances arise, yes indeed, but, we all start off with a slate just ready for our eager hands to mark on….what we do not realize as we embark on our journeys is that, for each happening, good or bad, we are offered an opportunity….life is the spirit’s classroom and the body is simply attire, clothing (so to speak) for the soul as it moves thru the lessons…this belief of mine calls to me to consider everyone as precious, even those who demonstrate behaviors that are hurtful and negative….those people i attacked in my last blog, well…i knew them for awhile and i know them to be so much better…which is why their behavior pisses me off so much…but, as pissed off as i am i know how precious they all are….i know they are all on the same journey as i and from them i can learn…i watch them, their reactions to life’s tough times…they don’t get it…when it’s hard, that’s when they need to learn and choose the crossroad that leads in a direction of upward growth…instead they wallow in self pity and they become stuck in a stagnant swamp of anger and unjustified self righteousness…this is what makes them blind to see how their own behavior towards others is really just an example of how pained they are inside….

whew….

as it were….i want to focus back on what matters….to be awake and aware of myself and the way i treat people and…to guide my girls in that direction….

sometimes, i can almost feel as though i’m on some kind of ride and that what happens in the “real” world isn’t really what counts…it’s what i take from it and who i CHOOSE to be in the face of it….

daaaaammmmmnnnn!   oh, and…..yiiiiiippppppppeeeeeeee!  

Posted by cristina (All Rights Reserved. Copyright MCM © 2002-2011) at 06:41:21 | Permalink | No Comments »

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Free at last, Free at last….!

It is done, finished, the fat lady has sung her god awful song and by golly…it’s over.  They found a way to get rid of her and in doing so, escaped being held accountable for their behaviors…yet again (remember that line; I’ll be revisiting it at the end of this little tirade of mine).  They took a disliking to her pretty much from the get go and there was no talking them out of it.  Did they try to examine their feelings…their peculiar need to be callous, childish bitches…hell no!  That would require an inward look into the proverbial mirror.  Such a gaze would reveal much work that needed to be done on their own damn selves.  No, it’s so much easier just to direct their inferiority issues outward; hence, making another human being feel like dog shit while they prance around doing a self righteous dance to some fucked up beat that only an insecure, wannabe drummer on crack could sound out.  The fact that each of these people is quite capable of being BETTER than what they portrayed only adds to the disgust I feel.  Now, mind you…in the beginning, I wasn’t any different.  For awhile there, I too behaved like an ass.  I was sucked in and talked shit right there with the rest of them.  I TALKED SHIT….SHIT WAS TALKED!  Does anyone get what I am saying? From the low man on the totem pole right on up to the SUPERVISOR IN CHARGE who is supposedly supposed to hold this supposed position of supposed authority…yup, she talked shit too.  Isn’t that unprofessional?  Isn’t this company alleged to be “prestigious”?  I’m confused…what’s a “prestigious” company doing tolerating that kind of behavior?  Could it be that the persons running the show are just as shallow?  Is it they lack the testicular capacity to address and disarm the hostility displayed by the people they have working for them or…they don’t give a rat’s ass.  (Hence, rats fleeing a sinking ship…I talk about this in another posting.)   My guess is, the latter, they just don’t care.  If they cared, they would have put a stop to what was happening and they would have addressed the behavior head on.  Instead, after she stood up for herself and brought the issues out in the open, the culprits were given a “talking to” and then later received raises and “promotions”.  On High bought the souls of the majority and basically told my friend, you’re on your own, hell, she even got written up.  And now, she’s outta there…and I feel for her, but, she’s going to be alright.  My advice to her would be to wipe her feet of the shit in that place and move ahead, do not look back.  Like myself and others I’ve talked to, leaving that place is akin to leaving an abusive relationship.  She’ll be fine, in fact…if she’s strong enough to keep bitterness at bay, she’ll be a stronger, better person for the experience.  As for those slithering around in the snake pit of their own making, I will now, revisit my statement from early on in this ranting.  I suggested that the bullies who’d taken such pleasure in making my friend feel like a leper were “escaping accountability”.  I don’t really believe that statement.  What I do believe in is this….we all pay, every last, solitary one of us will pay a debt for pain we cause another.  To the children….I mean people who run that department like it’s fucking high school and they’re in the “cool click”, you hurt her, whether you feel justified or not, you hurt her.  Whether you think she deserved it or not, you hurt her….you know who you are and you know what you did.  No matter how tightly you cap off that bottle of guilt inside you…sooner or later the top’s gonna pop off and you will answer for your sins.  We all do…all I pray is that when yours comes, you’ll have the wherewithal to know why.  Karma presents us an opportunity to look within and realize our mistakes.  Don’t waste the chance to be better, to grow.  As for the folks running the show…don’t dare for a moment think you are above any of us…you’ve got money, you’ve got position and you’ve got power but, your shit reeks just as bad as the next guy and you’ll be held accountable as well.  For all y’all, think on the following….

 

“Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. But anger is like fire. It burns it all clean.” – Maya Angelou

 

 

Girl, you can be angry….for a time, but don’t be bitter.  Sooner or later you’ll feel clean of the malice that infests that place, you are the better for being away from there.

Posted by cristina (All Rights Reserved. Copyright MCM © 2002-2011) at 06:46:00 | Permalink | No Comments »

Monday, November 14, 2005

My Brother….

So, ten years ago we buried my brother.  Circumstances being what they were, I was filled with guilt by the way I’d judged him.  I was also deeply, profoundly sad over the fact that I’d never gotten to know him, not really…I was too busy judging him and being embarrassed by him.  His choices were based on low self esteem…he turned to a world that was so out of my realm, I became like everyone else and I turned my back on him.  And then, one day, we got the call that he was gone.  I flew in to be at the funeral.  My other bro took me to where they found him.  And, that night, for what seemed like forever, I cried and cried and cried.  I begged his forgiveness for being such a bitch to him.  I begged God to let me speak to him one last time….it hit me…he and I were only 14 months apart.  We looked alike, when we were little, we played together, I remember laughing with him….but he was different.  He was deeper.  He was richer in imagination.  He was unique.  This difference about him made him…weird, I guess.  We judged him and this must have hurt him.  So, I missed out on who he was…who he became later on.  It was after his death I got a chance to see some of his work, drawings, writings….and I was deeply, profoundly saddened.  Why is this coming up?  I’m reading a book called “A Million Little Pieces”, by James Frey.  It’s as though I’m getting a chance to see what my brother’s struggle was…what ultimately he gave in to and died from.  As I’m writing I’m feeling a sense of loss that, although tempered by 10 years, still brings me to tears.  I never knew my brother.  He was a better writer than I, more intuitive, beautifully well spoken.  He felt things in ways I will never feel.  I wish I could just have a moment again…a moment to say to his face that I respect him, I love him and I am so proud of him.  Just one moment…but, that’s that shitty thing about death…if you don’t take care of things as soon as they need to be taken care of…if you don’t fix what’s broken or tell them you love them…once they’re gone, they’re gone…so…instead, I’m left with wondering, ok…how do I honor him, however late it might be, how do I make my brother’s legacy one that he might feel proud of?  And, I realize that it’s really a simple thing.   I breath deep and I hug my babies.  I listen when my daughter talks on and on and on….and yes, on…about things that, although I may not have an interest…she does so, I do too.  I smile at people I pass on the street, in hallways, at the grocery store…a real smile.  I listen and I am present to all those around me.  I do my best to be good to people around me.  And, I think about my brother….I love you Steven….I won’t forget you and, I’m so sorry it took your death to get how important people are…
Posted by cristina (All Rights Reserved. Copyright MCM © 2002-2011) at 06:58:55 | Permalink | No Comments »

Wednesday, November 9, 2005

a different angle on things…

lately, i’ve been looking at people differently…i’ve been imagining them as children, little children.  i’ve been taking the way my own children behave and imagining folks around me like them….before experiences marred their innocense, before they learned how to hate and judge…i can sometimes see the most hardened person as a two year old, eager to please mom or dad and show off the shoe they put on by themselves….i envision that person i just labeled an asshole as a three year old trying very hard to convince me that she can open, pour and close the very heavy gallon of milk i just brought in from the car….i visualize that jerk that just cut me off on the road as a little girl who begs her mom for a kiss goodnight and gets waved off because mom is too busy….

wow…my kids are really making me look at the world in a whole new light….

Posted by cristina (All Rights Reserved. Copyright MCM © 2002-2011) at 07:37:50 | Permalink | Comments (1) »

Sunday, November 6, 2005

take a look see….

Posted by cristina (All Rights Reserved. Copyright MCM © 2002-2011) at 07:15:07 | Permalink | No Comments »