I don’t believe in accidents. I believe everything has a reason, a message, a lesson. Sometimes the Universe whispers through small things that happen to and around us. Sometimes, however, the Universe prefers a body slam.
I read this powerful piece earlier in the evening. I’d read it before but I wasn’t fully focused. This time, I let myself be immersed by the author’s words, his anger and his simple yet profound truth. He spoke of judgments made by society and the constraints of these judgments. He eloquently described his defiance in the face of these invisible bonds that even his own would impose. I saw the validity in his words but, it took what happened later that night for his words to really hit home, literally.
I walked through the local grocery store doing some last minute, before the work week shopping. I was in a pretty good mood, mellow, peaceful. Yet, this didn’t stop the unbidden thoughts that popped into my mind sporadically, for no other reason other than to judge. I stopped in front of the juice section and noticed to my right two women. They were doing their thing and they were bothering no one. One was a bit taller than the other, both had their hair back in ponytails, one was tan, the other very pale. The thought that jumped up and down for my attention was that they looked, “rough”. I let this thought in and just as quickly, let it run right back out. I finished my shopping and stood in the check out line. Behind me was a woman standing with one item in her hand and what appeared to be a frown on her face. My thought was that she had a “chip on her shoulder, why did she look so mean?” Just as quickly had I thought this that I was asked whether I wanted to go debit or credit. My judgment call went forgotten as I paid the cashier. I walked over to my car and unloaded the cart which I then took back to the store. I had my pepsi with lime in one hand, my purse in the other and I was feeling pretty good about myself. That’s when it happened…the unthinkable. How it happened I can’t really say but, somehow my foot turned and the next few seconds are a blur of horror and sheer embarrassment. I’ve never taken a fall like that before in my life…and this is by no means an exaggeration. This fall could almost be described as acrobatic were it not for the total and complete lack of grace displayed by my falling body. Time and space slowed down and allowed me a long enough look around to see what was going on. Somehow my pepsi went flying a good twenty or so feet up and then, upon landing began rolling away from me, farther and farther into the parking lot. My purse had also flown into the air and as it began it’s descent, I saw all the contents disperse in a multitude of directions. My thoughts were curiously calm and quite frankly, unconnected to the unfortunate happenings of the moment. All I could think was, “awwww damn, i was looking forward to drinking that!” and, “is that rain i smell?” It was over as soon as it began, yet…the moment will live forever in my memory. But, there’s more and this is the part that really counts. The three women I judged while shopping, they were the only three people who came running to me, concerned about my well being and probably traumatized by what they’d just witnessed. One ran to get the pepsi, the other gathered all my belongings, put them in my purse and even helped me up. The third woman came over and said, ”Holy shit! Are you okay?” Somehow, my shoes (clogs) were in my hands and all I could do was look at them with thorough confusion and then look at her as though begging for some kind of explanation. Her last words before she left were, “Damn girl, you need to be careful with those!” The other two walked me to my car, laughed at my half hearted attempts to alleviate my sheer embarrassment with jokes that made no sense and then drove away. I sat for a minute, collecting myself and then a realization dawned. Earlier in the day I’d read something powerful and I acknowledged the truth in what was being said. Yet…later, I did exactly that which the young author had pointed out in his piece. Somehow, while reading his work, I’d made sure my pedestal was high, high enough to exclude myself from the society he was calling out. I conned myself into self righteousness, but the Universe wasn’t having it. What I experienced was nothing short of a lightning bolt…certainly only a bit less painful. The very three women I’d judged, I’d completely misjudged. They took the time to see to my needs even though they didn’t know me. I couldn’t/can’t just let this pass without taking a lesson from it. I’m too scared not to…what if the Universe decides I need to take another fall? I’m still feeling last night’s catapult into cement…from my neck on down to my ankle. I get it…hear that? I GET IT!
We (I) need to wake up. We need to be aware of our thoughts and we need to hold ourselves accountable for what we decide about each other. To place another into a box based on looks (race, ethnicity, class, etc, etc, etc…) is to permit invisible prisons to be drawn around each other. The sooner we understand that these prisons are also holding us captive is the sooner we can awaken from this deadening sleep and the sooner we can begin to truly live. I say we celebrate the diversity that is us…the divinity that we carry. Only then will we truly honor the Greater Power that created us. And only then will we realize the Greater Power that is us.
