moe-tif

so, i did it…i took myself out to the track and i ran a mile…i wasn’t trying to kill myself…slow, slow, slow…tonight was about taking the first step…i ran in the 8th lane and focused on my form, breathing, focused on remembering how much i loved to run…in the past it was about kicking someone’s ass on the track or on the trail…i haven’t competed for years and this has been difficult to wrap my brain around…i used to think my primary reason for running was to beat someone, anyone…but, i remember there were also those runs that weren’t about the race so much as they were about how it felt to be completely free, pushing against the walls that would come up, overcoming the pain and the high…oh, the endorphin high…my favorite places were those away from the concrete…those runs in the trees or on switchbacks…i went crazy on those trails, hammering away mile after mile!  i want this back…so bad…this was a feeling all my own…i felt connected to the earth, the trees, the air…i felt complete…

so, here’s my declaration…i’m making a comeback…i don’t figure i’ll be olympic material…i’m not planning on being number one in any race…i just want to have the power back that i once had…the wakefulness that comes to some thru meditating, the kind that came to me thru the long distance run…this was my form of meditation…i feel like i’m at a crossroads…crazy, events and people are coming in and out of my life as though signs pointing me to some place i  must go…like destiny calling…but to what end?  or is there an end?  maybe it’s simply a change in direction…an exploration of what is possible and a rediscovery of what was?  whatever it is, i’m diggin it… 

Serendipity dropped the chance encounter and for the moment, she was free of her chains. For so long she had been without the touch of a good man.  He invoked the sensual in her and brought out the woman she’d kept hidden away for fear that were she to explore this part of herself, she would be torn down, manipulated into forever hiding behind the facade of obedience and duty.  Suddenly, at a turning point in her life, when his presence was most sweetly yearned for, he appeared.  He made no demands, he simply let her….be….and for the moment, this was everything. 

 i wrote this after reading an article by a self proclaimed “playa”, bragging about his manhood…dumbfuck….this is dedicated to men and women alike…

yes, you’ll say i’m “playa hatin”…is there such a thing as “playa lovin”?  men and women alike who go around scheming and playing games with people’s heads and hearts…you do this because you don’t have the fucking courage to be honest.  if you want to fuck around for awhile, sow your oats and stay away from the monogomous relationships,  there ain’t nothin wrong with that (if you protect, protect, protect yourself)…however, there’s something deeply wrong with lying to people, conning them into thinking you feel more than you really do…what kind of shit is that?  you play with people’s heads and hearts and then walk around like you’re the shit…you’re a lyin ass con artist…there’s nothing to be proud of here…to me you’re a snake in the grass who attacks when the other person is at his or her most vulnerable…those are the people you stay away from…you laugh at the trust someone places on you…why would you in a million years think that was something to make light of…trust is something to cherish…what dumbfucks you are…YEAH, i’m calling it like i see it…i’ve come across a few people who have been lied to and hurt deeply and quite frankly, it makes me sick…these are good people, successful, sweet and honest people…that anyone would want to play games with their feelings is a reflection of their own lack of self esteem and their own inabilities to maintain anything of substance…you are scared and it shows…

so, for all of you who’ve been played, don’t take it personal…be glad you figured it out and got out…

i love sex…i love the crazy, passionate kind when two people are so totally focused on each other that nothing and no one can stop the experience….i love the sex had on satin sheets, i love the sex had on the kitchen table, hell, i love the sex done out under the stars on a blanket, while the breeze is blowing on moist skin and voices sultry are carried off into the night…i love the quickie and the languid…i love sex….

sex…mmmmm, the kind of sex where two people respect and revere one another…sex that is shared with no chains hidden and no promises thrown in the face once the afterglow fades…the kind of sex that becomes a memory two lovers share between each other from across a room, as they gaze into each other’s eyes and smile a secret smile only between them…

…i love sex….

it use to be…
i was easily impressed by a favorable mention,
i was easily impressed by the obvious…
no longer is this so…
i find, i’ve become particular…
if you speak to my mind, my soul…i want to hear more…
don’t tell me i am beautiful
if you haven’t had time to know my soul…
beauty being only skin deep…your compliments fall empty,
unless you have taken the time to know the soul within…

listen…weigh heavy my words…
challenge me, make me accountable…
respectfully i will consider your views…
thankfully, i will examine my own…
to fight the good fight, it is imperative,
to be clear on all the vantages, all the facets that are possible…
question me, challenge me…anger me if you must…
i will respect the truth of what you say…
i may take it on… i may…hehehehe…

or i may not…that’s ok tho’…
you made me think…you made me examine all that is….
this is a good thing…for this i am grateful…
for this privilege…let’s go grab a beer, listen to good music,
converse, argue, make up and talk some more…
be the inspiration that challenges me to be my best and then some…
and know that when all is said and done, i have but this to say to you….

thank you….

And what?  Whatchu gots to say?

I beat the odds oh yeah I did…

I didn’t believe the lies…

I didn’t allow your own inferiorities to become

mine.

I kept on keepin on.

and my power is paying off..

you see, my power is my own…

has nothing to do with your lack of faith…

my power stems from a deep place, a profound knowing.

I know what I can do.

I know what I can offer.

To believe any less in myself is not only a sin…

I would later regret.

It is a disservice I would have committed against the world.

I am a force to be reckoned with…

this scares you.

As I write this arrogant prose,

I realize,

You fear me! 

You have reason to!

Ha!  Yeah I’m makin my dreams reality.

So…

What?  Whatchu gots to say? 

Not a damn thing, yeah.

When in the presence of greatness one does find oneself rendered

Speechless.

That’s ok tho’…

I enjoy the silence your shock is awarding me.

I enjoy the breeze of success blowing upon my skin after

the work and sweat I put into making my dream come true…

feels good, feels real good…so…

what?  Whatchu gots to say?

Ahhh not a damn thing huh?  Cool, wouldn’t take a moment,

No, no more precious moments to entertain your fears.

Step off, I’ve got things to do…

What…never mind…don’t care whatchu gots to say…

You work for me, Mr. President.

Did you forget? 

Did you take office with this knowledge in mind or,

Was your intention always about raping the American People?

Because, that is what you are doing.

You are a rapist, a murderer, a liar and a cheat.

You care nothing about what is important to us.

You choose to serve your own best interests and that of your rich cronies.

So, I choose to rise up.  I choose to rally the community and I choose to stand up

to you.

The odds may be strong against me, I don’t care. 

I look forward to being the annoying thorn in your pathetic side.

Every deed committed by you will be noted, every evil will be laid out for

all to see.

Secret service men won’t stop me, won’t stop us…We the People.

This country is ours, you’re only one man, you stole the seat in which you sit.

You won’t however steal my favor.

You can’t.  

Mr. President…

By the way, you’re fired.  Please, let the door hit your ass on the way out, it would be a pleasure to witness your fall from the imagined grace you stand on, your pedestal of folly. 

I started out by saying you work for me but, I must correct my position, you don’t work for me.

You never did.

You’re fired.

 

Signed,

 

We the People

Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it’s cracked up to be. That’s why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don’t risk anything, you risk even more.
Erica Jong quotes (American writer and feminist, 1942)

the last couple of days, since coming home from Columbus, OH, i’ve heard the rhetoric that i am only one person, that i can’t change the world…(this coming from my family which hurts but, ah well….)…the above quote exemplifies why i stand up and why i will continue to stand up, although the odds are stacked against me…i owe it to myself and i owe it to my children…i cannot condone sitting back when what is blatantly wrong is paraded in front of my eyes…i cannot condone sitting back when what is blatantly wrong is secretly happening in the shadows…we must stand up for what is right, regardless of the outcome…
by the way…my response to my family was…”yes, i’m only one, but this weekend, i was one of 2,500 and those 2,500 represented thousands upon thousands more…so, yes, i’m only one but i damn sure ain’t alone…”

She looked out at the sea of faces, breathed deeply and then she spoke.  She spoke with a passion that belied her tiny stature.  She had lived a long life and her status as elder demanded the audience to listen and weigh heavy her words, words borne of experience.  She spoke spanish, her every word translated.  My heart swelled with each strong statement she made, this little old lady from
San Diego.  She spoke of the battle for the rights of our undocumented.  She spoke of the need to stand up and stand strong.  Human rights are at stake and the need for unity is of the upmost importance.  We are young and old, black, brown, white, yellow and red.  We are so powerful as individuals, together we are unstoppable.  To think, how unconventional was this moment when Rosa, this little lady from San Diego stood up in front of such a diverse array of people.  Even more incredible, she spoke in spanish and we all responded to her power, nothing was lost in translation.  As I looked around me, I realized these are my brothers and sisters and we are united by more than intangible lines and legal status.  We are part of something greater, something sacred, the human race.  The danger is we allow this government to continue to divide us, to break apart the unity that is our birthright.  We’ve become afraid of each other, to look one another eye to eye.  This fear must be overcome.  The ignorance must be replaced with knowledge and accountability.  We as a people must pledge allegiance to something much more sacred than a flag.  We must pledge allegience to our own humanity.

The federal minimum wage is $5.15 per hour which translates to a gross of $10,712.00 per year…before taxes. For one to be considered living in poverty, one must earn $20,000.00 or less per year. We have people all over this nation making minimum wage which translates to…we have people all over this nation living in poverty.

In almost 10 years, our federal government has not raised the minimum wage…not once. Yet, Congress has given itself 9 raises in this time…the most recent within the last couple of weeks. Does anyone see that there is something fundamentally wrong here? How is it that the government which is supposed to look out for our best interests can shoot down a minimum wage increase and then turn around and give itself a raise? I’ll tell you how it can be…this government does not give a rat’s ass about us. This government does not have our best interests at heart…and people, this is partially our fault. We are not showing up at the polls…we are not using our right to vote and thusly we are not voicing our views, wants and demands.

Because the federal government does not want to do right by us…we are taking this to the states…each one individually. We, ACORN and others are making noise and rallying the communities to step up and take charge of the situation…as one speaker said, “we are handling our business”. This weekend we marched through the streets of Columbus, OH to demand that the wage be increased from $5.15 to $6.85. Recently, we in Arizona, turned in 290,000+ signatures to put this measure on the ballot and raise our minimum wage. We are taking a stand one state at a time.

It is a national disgrace that our government should refuse to consider the needs and desires of it’s own people. We must take charge of our own needs, we must implement our own desires. This is our country…we must vote and voice our views and hold ourselves accountable. The power of one is multiplied a thousand fold when pulled into the power of many…people, this is OUR COUNTRY!

Stand up people, stand up and be counted…stand up and HANDLE YOUR BUSINESS.