moe-tif

“When you face a challenge truly, there is no thought. There is just the looking…you see what needs to be solved at that moment, and that looking is fierce and gentle at the same time. And there is an activation of a greater intelligence than whatever you have learned.” — Eckhart Tolle

 There’s a place we belong to….a place accessible to us all.  The rules of religion or of society have no bearing on this place.  It’s where we go in the quiet moments…when our mind is still and we step outside of the mores we have been programmed to think are reality…it’s that twilight place between who we really are and what we would force ourselves to become…when we go there…we are at peace…it is the only “true” reality…all the rest is a story…parts we play on a stage…we are immersed in these roles, all the while knowing, feeling that there is something else, something just outside of our reach…we ramble through life playing our parts and living lives that barely scratch the surface of all that is possible…what we seek, struggle and strive for is there, always…within the profound soul of ourselves…just a breath away…and when we wake…when we begin to access this place, we realize that to truly be alive, we must be able to pull ourselves outside of this “play”…we stand off to the side and watch ourselves…only then can we make the best choices because that is when we get “it”, when we can see that the thing we call reality isn’t, instead it is a malleable game we play, easily managed…fear and doubt is replaced with a kind of childlike joy…wonderment…anticipation…this is who we really are…students, living out roles in a classroom…what do we choose to take from this place?  Who do we choose to be in the face of all the lessons we are presented with?   

so, i went out to the track tonite…cool air…smelled burning wood…great night for a run and for thinkin…my body aches…not the young chica i used to be…most of my laps just hurt but, there were moments when a stride felt…right….what i mean is, i was in the zone…it’s this place where nothing hurts and the only thing that matters is the run…it’s a moment of “being”…makes sense for folks who’ve been there…whether thru athletics or other endeavors…tonite i thought about myself in a different way…i’m like a puzzle…broken apart…trying to piece myself together…i’ve almost forgotten how to dream…i’ve gotten so lost…as i put myself together sometimes i feel so scared and other times i feel frustrated, angry and still other times i feel so excited i can’t stand it…what i seek is peace…where my passion be in my control enough to make a difference…where i can stand with myself and know that when all is said and done, i made a difference…whether i’m known for it or not makes no nevermind to me….i just want to look out at a world changed in the direction of good…i want to stand and feel the breeze on my face and know that my work, pain, disappointments…that all these gave way to strength, honor, knowledge and serenity…

and so it will be… 

Today…six years later…what have we learned?  What honor are we bestowing our fallen?  Are we honoring those who died on that horrible day?  How are we honoring them?  Are we taking care of our country?  Are we taking care of ourselves so that we may be contributing citizens deserving of the freedom we take so for granted?  Are we?  And how does a war honor our dead…how does sending our children to kill more people (men, women and children) make right the horrible wrong we witnessed on that fateful day?  It makes no sense to me.  We are fed the reasons for our country’s choices and we plod along like cattle…what are we DOING?   

we send our kids to school so they can learn the basics; reading, writing, arithmetic and…compliance….the rules of society, agreed upon by the many and to hell with the few who may have stood outside the box just long enough to say, “whoa….wait a minute….that’s not going to work….”, that guy was either labeled eccentric and tolerated or, straight up put down…put away, done away with….well, now what’s happening?  yeah…that’s right….it’s not working….and it’s becoming all too clear that something must be done…but, to step out of the way “it’s always been” is an almost physical battle…when your paradigm is all you’ve ever known or all you can remember, to step around that wall is a committment to change many are simply too frightened to committ to…

i want that change…i want it so bad i can taste it….that’s not to say i’m not scared…i’m scared to death….but i want it nonetheless….i want to know what it’s like to live, really, really live….i want to do away with the noise that threatens my wakefulness…i want the core of life to be all that i am, on every level….to stand on that mountaintop and feel the cold wind on my skin, breathe in my freedom as i let go of all that i have….all the “stuff” i’ve hung onto for so long…i want to spread my arms as though i could fly and i want to feel the full force of it all…to let go and become a part of it all…to know that i am not separate from all that is…that my identity is simply another agreement i’ve taken on…that is all…who i am is something much deeper…

this way of thinking….this realization wakes in me (again) a respect for everyone i come across…the connection is all that is, all that truly matters and a constant second only to the fact that everything changes….even identities….my compassion grows for the one who i would normally be bothered by…he is a gift….a way to wake me up from this dream….

yeah….wake up….realize that “this” is simply an agreement….it is not reality….look around you….most of it is not reality….decide for yourself to live….LIVE…