moe-tif

 

I see you from across the room…oh shit…you’re making your way toward me…

you have that look on your face…that look that says, somebody else has

yet again…

done you wrong…

it’s a mix of anger, disdain, reproach and the constant irritability that becomes second nature…

to one who is a perpetual…

victim…

I try to escape…I look around for a way out…my mind racing for an excuse, any reason…

to get the hell outta your fucking way…

fuck…

too late, i’m backed into a corner and the drone of your self righteousness has begun to…

yet again…

grate upon my nerves…

 

and then I realize…

 

why do I allow m’self to suffer through your whining?
why do I let m’self judge you for your judgments?

Doesn’t that, in essence, make me…just a little bit…

like you?

I mean…seriously…why do we take ourselves so seriously?

And if we don’t like where we are…where we’ve CHOSEN to be in this moment…

why don’t we just leave?

Are we so arrogant to b’lieve that this moment, is somehow…

ok to fuck with, ok to waste…as if we’re somehow an exception to the Universal law that governs…

all that is…b’cuz people…all that is ain’t guaranteed…and this moment, is precious indeed…

why waste our “nows” by bemoaning our momentary station in life when we could be taking chances…taking risks…living in every sense of the word, rather than simply surviving and becoming…

victims of circumstance.

 

You make your way towards me…you begin your tirade but, your moment of self pity…at the very least with me…is short lived…because…this time…

 

i’m gonna take my moment and run…

So, for awhile, I have taken on a serving gig.  I work a few nights a week.  I’m using this job as a tool for learning more about people and, for learning how strong I am.  I find that, when I approach my guests completely focused on treating them not as a $ sign but rather, as human beings with the same hopes, dreams, struggles and confusions as myself, I enjoy my work a helluva lot more.  I treat them with compassion and respect and, the feelings are returned, for the most part.  There are those tables who will stubbornly keep me out of reach.  There are those people who will attempt to treat me disrespectfully.  When I personalize this treatment, I take on their negative vibe and carry that to the next table.  I really don’t like feeling that way, so, it truly is a conscious effort to keep that ugliness at bay.  The effort is worth taking on however, if I am going to be at all successful at rising above the rampant negativity that exists in our world.  And, I have to add, when I am authentically happy doing this work, at the end of the night, I make out like gangbusters.  I gotta believe that, on the most fundamental level, it truly is in my power to control the kind of night I will have, simply by shifting my attitude. The same holds true for the kind of life I will have.  

Watching other servers, it’s interesting to note their behaviors and attitudes.  Some will take a bad tip in stride, keep their head in the game without allowing themselves to become angry.  Others will take that bad tip and walk around the restaurant expressing their anger at the injustice they’ve experienced.  It’s as though they can’t carry the load alone and seek out those whose energy is strong enough to take from.  I find myself being compassionate with them but at the same time doing all I can to avoid them.  I simply can’t afford to let them mar my own work, whether on a monetary level or, and most importantly, on a spiritual level. 

For all the importance behind delivering great service and taking care of the guest’s needs, one should never forget that this is just food and we’re just playing a game.  I choose to have fun with what I’m doing and translate that to my guests.  Serving is not a demeaning part to play, as many might think.  It is a wonderful opportunity to take care of others and to test one’s own ability to remain at peace inside, regardless of the way things play out.  I believe this holds true of anything we do in life.       

my beautiful sister…you choose invisibility…hide behind your bruises and tears…
rather than take that first scary step, then another, then another…to freedom…to your real self…
to that sacred divine you that was there when you first breathed this earthly air…
take the chance…step into that unfamiliar place and lay claim to what is yours by birthright…
you stay…you let him continue to beat you down…then you choose death…

i say to you…make yourself known…stop being invisible…

serenity…the peace that comes from knowing my children are well taken care of…that i am teaching them the tools necessary to be strong, happy adults…

everything else is gravy…

i am a successful writer making my living doing what i love…
my family and friends also benefit from my successes, in fact, our successes are intertwined because, we’ve helped each other along the way…
i accomplish what i set out to do because i’ve learned to trust the Universe to answer my prayers…
i face the world focused on the moment, trusting that i am doing the best i can and that everything else happens the way it is supposed to happen…

i want this…

i am a successful writer…

she stood quietly at the back of the room…no one knew she’d entered…
she listened to her family discuss her latest choice…her latest endeavor…
she heard the reproach in their voices, the disappointment…
the condemnation of yet another attempt at yet, another dream…
she was a single mother, how dare she take chances?
she had no business doing what would please her…
those days were long gone with the birth of her children…
she owed too much, she’d lost too much, to ask for their support meant…
she was asking too much…
this was what she listened to…as she quietly slipped out…

she walked to her favorite tree and sat down…her heart aching…
no words did she have for them…nothing could be said that would bring them…
to believe in her…
but, this was not the cause of her pain…
her tears flowed because somewhere along the way, she had come to agree with them…
she had taken on their doubts and had given in to their disappointment…
it had become ingrained in her…so much so that she hadn’t noticed…
until the day she realized that if she didn’t do something real…something outside of the box…
she would live her life dying a little each day…
and this would be the legacy she would pass on to her children…
it wasn’t about the money…
it wasn’t for the attention, or to prove her family wrong…
it was about living life out loud…taking full advantage of her gifts and blowing the lid off the rules…
it was about living a full existence and teaching her children by example…
the crossroads spread out before her that night…her fear almost tangible…
she made a choice…and she chose to take the road less traveled…
and damn, she was scared…but, damn…she was living…

Something is lost here in this mighty place…
unrecognizable our land from sea to shining sea…
we are a broken body with scars too deep to erase…
we no longer know the meaning of what it is to be free.

We’ve willingly traded liberty’s sweet song…
for what we’ve been fooled to believe is easy gain…
the devil throws his head back laughing at the throng…
of souls gathered around our country’s blood soaked stain.
  
We send our soldiers to die for our country…
we would claim to support and yearn their return…
yet, what reward do we extend for their tour of duty…
when our homes are lost and lessons go unlearned?

We reach to the one we would blame for our demise…
we would take him and force him to show his face…
and the shock of what we see behind his clever disguise…
sends through us waves of a deep and profound disgrace.

We will be forced to look upon a truth unbearable…
yet bear it and learn from it we must…
in the end, to create our new beginning, we must hold ourselves responsible…
for the guilty party ultimately and always is…us.

 

cliche’ tho it may be….bear with me….
take two three year old boys…put them in a room together with a box of toys…
one child is white and borne of a culture that has had a long standing hate and fear of anyone non-white…
the other child is black and borne of a culture that has long standing defense system against those from the aforementioned culture…this defense system came to be after much persecution and injustice…the hate they feel came in riding the waves of their evil treatment…it rode in and staked a claim in many hearts… 

these two children from such differing cultures sit in this room and play with the toys in the box…
they don’t know each other’s names but, no matter, they are playing together, enjoying each other’s company…
the word tolerance has no place there because there is nothing to tolerate…they are simply two children playing…
getting along…
the past that took place before they were born, this past is nonexistent in their minds…makes no difference to them…
the hate that their parents and those before them feed and carry…this hate has yet to make it’s nasty mark within these two children…they are pure and the evil that surrounds them is waiting for its chance…
you see, it’s just a matter of time…these children will leave the room soon, say goodbye to one another…
they will go back to their families and they will be brought up listening and learning the way of their cultures…
they will take on the feelings of their people…even if they have nothing to back up those feelings other than the stories told to them from those who experienced and expressed the hate they feed…the hate will have won again…

hate sits and waits…it’s very easy to be spread…one feels hate towards another and acts on that hate…the person victimized then takes on hate toward his persecuter and, if given the opportunity, will act on the hate towards another who represents the group from whence the persecuter came…the hate then is passed on and on…growing in strength…the hate becomes immersed within the cultures’ mores and societal structure…the hate finds a home and grows…the evil wins again and again and again…

to rise above the hate, even at the hands of monstrous torment and persecution…this requires incredible strength, honesty and forgiveness…this requires a Christ mind…the ability to separate the evil from the vessel carrying it…from the one who would act out on it…there are examples throughout history of those who were able to do this…Buddha, Christ, Ghandi, Nelson Mandela, Mother Theresa, Immaculee Illibigaza, etc., etc., etc.,….to infinity…it is possible for us if it was possible for them…

but, sadly, too many succumb…much easier to give in to the hate…it takes a hold psychologically, emotionally, spiritually, culturally…in so many ways….and it grows…because, we let it…because we don’t wake up and take responsibility for our own part…we, each and every one of us, has a part to play…because we choose the easy way makes us as responsible for the evil in the world as those who blatantly committ evil against another…

think about that…hard to swallow isn’t it…that you might have a part to play in the suffering happening across the globe, across the ages… 

so…what are you going to do about it?

As she caressed his face, he took hold and gently brought her hand to his lips. She caught her breath and smiled. Butterflies tickled her tummy as he looked deep into her eyes. From a short distance away, these two did not realize they were being watched by another couple, much, much younger. The younger two had just finished another round of arguing; they were hard pressed to remember what the argument was about. They sat on the bench and looked on as the elderly couple on the blanket ignored all the passersby on this Saturday at the park. As the anger in them calmed, they were touched by the love that could be seen emanating off the old man and woman. Did they understand that this love wasn’t simply an emotion as it was years of work, understanding and compromise? Could they see that life had not been just roses and passion but had also been pain and monotony, anger and forgiveness? See, this is what is missed much with people. Somehow we think that once we fall in love, that’s it, we’ve found our “one” and our work is done. This a fallacy, a messed up mentality that leads many to quit too soon, many to walk out on relationships that could very well be the best thing that could have happened to them. Our women need to know that men think differently, it’s just the way it is. Our men need to know likewise is true about the woman’s mentality. We are different and these differences are a good thing, we compliment each other. Too often men and women make each other wrong for what is fundamental within our makeup and because of this, too many families are broken apart, too much is left unsaid that should be said and way too much is said that ought to be re-thought. Little bit of advice from someone who is day by day, painfully yet thankfully seeing the errors of her ways…understand and accept that to reach a man’s heart, you must allow him to be who he is…learn the way men think. To reach a woman’s heart, a man must do the same. Learn each other, respect each other and, love each other. To be different is good…very good.

“Just do your thing
If it makes you feel better
Go on and sing
If it makes you feel better

Shufflin’ feet
Snuck up on me now
This young man’s lost his way
He don’t believe
All the stuff they told him
He’s caught up in the fray
He said I’ve got this great big
Bag full of dreams
And I don’t know what to do
I said a wise man gave me
The key to life
And now I give it to you
And I said

Just do your thing
If it makes you feel better

You’re running that race
A little bit faster now
Towards your finish lines
Such a disgrace
You missed all the beautiful
You can’t buy back the time
So stop and love
And dance and live
And laugh until you cry
Don’t wake up to realize that
Your time has passed you by

Just do your thing
If it makes you feel better
Go on and sing
If it makes you feel better

You can cling to your fears if you want to
To your heart and your soul
You must be true”